My Eyes

Last summer Jennifer and I went out to eat. It's not unusual for us to do this...in fact, this may be the only pastime that we have in common. While I was in the restroom, and I was up close and personal with a wall (I know it sounds crude and I apologize, but it is part of the story) I caught my reflection in the tile. It was a distant reflection as tile has a tendency to do and the only thing that really caught my eye, was my eyes. I have no idea where this thought came from, but I immediately thought "I will never have a son look back at me with those eyes". It was a sadly embarrassing moment for me. I have never longed for a son and have always been perfectly content with my daughters. Jennifer has longed for a son for many years and still desires to adopt a baby boy one day, but it has never been an issue for me. Until that moment, standing in a restaurant bathroom, looking at tile. Honestly, I teared up. We had been wrestling with dealing with some health issues that Jennifer was struggling with that affected her energy level and I had been coming to terms that we would never adopt another child. You have to understand, for many, many years people have always asked how many children were we planning on having and I would always answer "We will probably stop at about 21". The reply was usually a nervous laugh and then they would move on. The heart behind my answer has always been serious. I desire a gynormous family! So, I was seeing that dream come to an end and it struck me that I would never have a son to look back at me with my own eyes.

That fact has not changed. I will never have a son birthed from Jennifer and I, but...I do have 3 sons now, something I would never have thought possible a year ago. And we have to flex and change and adapt to bring more children into our home and to be quite honest, it has been a very good humbling experience for me.

Many of you have been asking for an update on our trip and unfortunately the answer has been the same for many weeks now...we are still waiting. But in the meantime, I have a couple of pictures of the boys that we haven't shared yet and wanted to do that now. Josiah (9) is first and Caleb (8) is the second picture. We didn't receive a picture of Noah (10) in this group. As I looked at my sons I realized something about them. They have suffered greater loss then I could ever imagine. They will never look into the eyes of their birth mother or father again. Broken people loving broken people.

And I take great pleasure, even though we are thousands of miles away, to look into their eyes and know that I have sons.

Enjoy your kids today!