Learning to be a Kid Again

One of the challenges that an older Ethiopian boy who has last his father must face is learning to be a kid again and letting go of being in charge. Here are a few blissful pictures in the eye of the storm.

(The little boy with Noah is their younger biological brother who was adopted by a family in Spokane last year. That family was told that Micah was an only child and that both parents had died. Clearly Micah is not an only child and their mother is still alive.)

Caleb, Micah, and Noah (background: Josiah and Makayla)

L to R: Josiah, Ana, Makayla, Bri, Emma, Caleb, Hunter (Micah's adopted brother),
Micah, ? (Micah's adopted sister), and Noah

L to R: Caleb, Noah, Josiah and Makayla before the "big race"...(Josiah won by about 50 yds.)

F to B: Josiah, Caleb, Noah (this was their first time in a boat and their first time seeing a "large" [its not] river - Noah stopped us to pray and ask God to protect us...it was a little funny)

The Ride

I am sitting at our new kitchen table - it seats 10 comfortably and we could probably add a few if need be. The boys and Emma are outside playing and Makayla and the babies are downstairs watching TV. Jennifer and Katie are running some errands...and here I sit.

The house
is quiet
for a moment and only a moment.

Even now Emma and Caleb are running in with the mail.

Our lives have been crazy this past week. I took the boys camping at Tshimikain Creek Camp to serve at the Union Gospel Mission's camp for troubled youth. It was a great time of introducing the boys to new things - a river, canoes, sharks (long story), a cougar, a campfire, and endless bicycle trails. There are many stories to tell and maybe one day I will get them recorded, but not today. We returned from camping on Thursday with great shouts of joy from the boys to see their Mom and sisters, and from their sisters to see their brothers. It promised to be a good next week.

On Friday morning, Noah woke up angry at the world and flew into one of his temper tantrums and the world turned upside down. He spent the vast majority of the day running away and sitting across the street steaming at us. He eventually began throwing rocks at our house and declaring that he was no longer Noah McConnell and that his name was Zelalem Tadios. He was also demanding to talk to Michelle from CWA so that he could go back to Africa because he was finished with us. It was a long, long day.

He eventually broke a window and busted the siding on the house and I had reached my breaking point. I chased him for a few blocks and providence would have us run right into a policeman. I eventually caught up to him before he reached the policeman. I picked up him and he began punching me in the face and chest. His first blow caught me by surprise and my grip loosened. I tried to secure his legs because he was kicking me as well. The policeman had started to make his way over to us at this time. I am sure it was a strange sight to see a white guy gently man handling a little black boy. We talked for awhile with Officer Stipe/Stine (something like that) and he encouraged Noah to return home or have Dad "carry him" home. Noah was obstinate during the whole conversation and actually asked to go to jail when the Officer suggested that he may end up there.

The Officer eventually left, wishing me well and we returned home. Noah continued to refuse to enter the house and returned to pelting the house with rocks. I chased him again and he ran to another neighbors house. I left him there and went home. That neighbor called the police and I called at the same time. A friend of ours was actually on duty and responded. Noah was so angry that he refused to obey me and the policeman. He was eventually handcuffed and put in the police car to be transported to Sacred Heart's psychiatric ward for attempting to kill himself with a steak knife. We continued to plead with Noah to simply come into the house and eat dinner and obey and he continued to yell and scream at us. Jennifer and Caleb were in tears and all the other kids were bewildered. Josiah simply said, "Zelalem crazy".

The car was about to leave when he relented and decided to come inside and obey if we promised to take him to see "Michelle at CWA". We agreed and he came in, ate dinner and then went to bed. We were on the phone throughout the situation with a couple of different counselors seeking wisdom and guidance. The next day we went to see Michelle and the conversation did not quite go the way he was expecting. She told him that he was not going to go back to Africa no matter how bad he was or what he did. Jennifer and I liken disruption to divorce and it is simply not an option for us no matter how bad it gets. We covenanted together to raise all of our children before a holy God and we take that just as seriously as our marriage. We also explained to him that the Ethiopian gov't. and American gov't. all say that he is our son. His Ethiopian Mom and even the Lord says he is our son. There is no way to go back.

After two, one hour sessions he relented and submitted. He hugged Jennifer and I, and said that we were his parents and that he was choosing to love and obey us. It was a lull in the storm and we were glad for it.

That was on Saturday and today is Monday. Since then he has had a couple of borderline moments but he committed to talking through them and not flying off into a rage. The emotional, mental and spiritual drain is that we end up having lengthy conversations about everything that he doesn't like that we decide. It is so exhausting trying to communicate using sentence fragments and single words. But we are committed no matter the cost.

It is quiet again.

I'm enjoying the momentary break.

Suffering for the Lord is good, but hard.

Thanks for praying.

Good Morning

I like to read. I like to read a lot. In the pas several months I have added multiple blogs to my reading list because it encourages me to see what our Lord is doing in other parts of the planet as well as exposing me to great thinkers, church planters, and men exercising their faith. My time around a blog also gives me a little snuggle time with my daughters - so on one screen I set pictures up for them to look at and on another I read and write. This morning I was reading and posting on one of my favorite blogs - Keith and Amy Watson - and decided to take a picture. Bri is wearing her extra special Barbie princess night gown and Ana is wearing her extra special Strawberry Shortcake nightgown. These two night gowns have probably been worn every night for the past few months. Matter of fact, Bri has told me that she cannot be my little princess unless she is wearing her princess gown.

Even as I am typing Bri and Ana have gone to watch Dora and now Ana has returned. "Dad, I wanna climb up." She then sees her picture on one of the monitors and wants to take another. Here is the picture that we have taken together. She is nodding her approval and saying, "It's Daddy and the Princess" - and she is most assuredly right. It is moments like these that remind me why I love children so much and why my home will never have "enough" little feet running here and there. Parenting is the greatest opportunity to disciple and I have become very comfortable knowing that the Lord may never do anything "great" with my life, but he may use one of my precious gems to change the world.

Number 3 (Caleb) has wandered in this morning and is all teeth at looking at pictures of his sisters on our blog. I tell him to look right here and he doesn't realize it but...*flash* he has now joined the post.

So good morning and go make a difference.

Trip Pictures, Peace, & a 12 Year Old...oh my!

I am still working on our new blog but in meantime you can enjoy some of the pictures that will be accessible through the site. You can view those here.

Hopefully I will be able to launch the new site in the next couple of days.

Life is still fragile around here. Noah has gone 3 days with a good attitude and being very obedient. He hasn't run away again and there have been no more "counseling" sessions. There have been a couple of moments when he has been corrected and you could see the wheels turning - rage or submit. So far, he has chosen submission, but it still creates eggshell moments.

Josiah and Caleb are starting to struggle a little. Nothing earth shattering - grief, loss, depression, a little brotherly arm punching type of stuff. We are working on it and getting through it. We have learned that Josiah is actually 12, well at least 12 and probably much older. I took all three boys to the Doctor the other day for their first check up and in general there health is pretty good. We have a whole list of labs and stool samples that we have to have done, but overall a decent bill of health. The Doctor confirmed my suspicions that he was much older than 9 years old, but the other two seem to be right on track. This has caused a little bit of concern for us simply because it forces us to rethink school and an appropriate grade. We are praying and talking through it.

So the parents of our new 8, 10, 12+ year old sons are still kneeling before the Lord and He continues to lead us one step at a time. It has been unbelievably hard and there have been many tears shed and walls punched, but God continues to remain good and we continue to remain vastly dependent.

God is Good...All the Time

This has become our mantra. While we were in Addis our son Noah would sing this in a song over and over. Little did we know that we would be repeating this over and over in a different context. We have had an extremely hard time with Noah. When we first picked him up he seemed to be the most spiritual and grateful, but his attitude quickly changed. He has run away twice already and we have had several confrontations with him. He is a young man full of loss, anger and bitterness and this often manifests itself in absolute rage. I am hoping to post my journal as well as pics from the trip today, but we have been absolutely exhausted everyday since we returned and much of it is from trying to love and parent Noah.

Please be praying and remember...God is Good all the time!

Breakfast

Come join us for breakfast!

3 lbs. of potatoes
14 slices of French Toast
10 slices of Pancake
4 Peaches
3 Bananas
1 Full pitcher of Apple Juice
1 Full pitcher of Hot Tea
1 Full pot of Coffee

The boys have gained about 4 lbs. in the past week.

Reality Check

Wow! What a ride! We haven't been home a week yet and let me tell you, it has been faith stretching to say the least. Jennifer and I are both battling a touch of some stomach ailment, although not too serious. Jennifer got strep the day we came back and has been down and out for most of the past few days. I have been primarily running the house - meals, cleaning, dressing, showers, etc. The boys are adjusting fairly well. They are still getting used to being the only Ethiopians in shouting distance and our bland American food.

Our middle son (at first thought to be the oldest) has really been struggling emotionally. We had a little confrontation with him while in Addis and had a counseling session with his Orphanage counselor. She warned us that he is very emotional and stubborn - she has been VERY right. Nothing we can't handle with the Lord's strength, but it has been another challenge. He is currently curled up in a ball crying his eyes out in his bed for some unknown reason. I am sure that he is dealing with grief and loss - the language barrier is difficult both ways in trying to console and comfort him. I sat on his bed with him for awhile watching the other two play cards and having a good time.

**Update** - While I was typing the above Caleb, Noah's younger brother, came and asked me to come. Noah wanted a t-shirt. While I was in their room I asked the boys again what was wrong with him. They said they didn't know, but Noah spoke up and spouted out something. Caleb said, "Ahhh" and then used hand gestures to show me that Noah was upset because I took away his chips and gave them to the rest of the kids. At lunch Noah had dumped the bags of chips out onto his plate - I took half of them and distributed them to the rest of the kids. So he was pitching a fit about his chips...and nothing more. If he was a normal kid then he would be disciplined for that but I think it is a way of dealing with things. No doubt it was wrong and I tried to explain that to him. He may have told me that just to save face about crying over something else...I have no idea. Anyway, it is things like that they we are dealing with...ah, the joys of parenting.

I will try to post my journal sometime this week...I still do not have our pictures transferred to my computer yet so those are coming also.

Home Again!

Just a quick note to let you know that we have arrived in Spokane safely. Everyone is tucked away in their beds and trying to recover. Thanks for praying and I will update the blog over the next couple of days with our Addis Ababa Journal.

We have safely arrived in Frankfurt and we are all doing well. We should bbe leaving in a few hours for Chicago and then on to Spokane. The boys are doing well and were only slightly freaked out by the plane ride, escalator, and hand dryer in the bathroom. See ya soon!

We are in Addis

We arrived safely. Things have been going very well. Our luggage is still lost so we are roughing it. The Embassy date went very smoothly. We have taken a ton of pictures and will post those up as soon as we get back. The boys are doing very well and couldn't have been more excited to meet us. They are extremely affectionate - constantly touching, hugging, kissing and loving on us. They like to feed us as a sign of honor and often give up their shoes, food and seats for us. Will post more later. We are all doing well.

Patrick, for
Jennifer
Megan