Catching Up

There has been a lot going on in life in the past week and I have been finding little time or energy to blog. Overall, things have gotten MUCH better. When I say "MUCH", I mean that the police have not come again, no windows have been broken, and I have not had to disarm a steak knife from a son. We met with the Gardeners about a week or two ago at the Bade's and we all had a very candid conversation. Apparently Noah had been hoping that if he was bad enough he would eventually be able to be sent home. His whole goal in breaking windows and pulling knives was to go to jail and then be sent back to Ethiopia. His plan came crashing down when Michelle told him that there was no way that he was returning to Ethiopia. We explained to the boys that we believe that it would be a sin on our part to send him to another family. We explained to him that he could break every window in our home, pull knives on people, and be the most destructive that he possibly could and he would still be a McConnell. He may have to go to jail or some facility that would help him, but when he got out, he would still be a McConnell. It was a startling wake up call for him and it has made all the difference.

He still gives angry looks, says hateful and hurtful things, stomps around the house when he doesn't get his way, and is constantly looking for a reason to be angry. On a daily basis I hear "You are not my father", "I hate you", "I hate America", "My name is not McConnell", and my personal favorite "You are a bad Pastor". At one point he said your name is not "Pastor McConnell" it is "Pastor..." and he pointed at his groin.

Through it all I have seen that there is something broken inside him and as much as he "hates" us, he longs to really be a McConnell. He longs to really be loved. He longs to believe %100 that we are really his parents no matter what. I have read stories about kids like this and now I get to see him face to face.

It is not easy. One day I will be at the end of my rope and Jennifer will help recenter me and vice versa. Everyday we are absolutely mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I am not sure that we have ever been through anything so hard.

Well my "quick update" has turned wordy. I guess I would close by saying thank you all for praying. I have never had so many people tell me that they are praying for me. Literally, everyday someone emails me, calls me, or tells me face to face that they are praying for us and it has been a huge encouragement. Please continue to pray, we have a long road ahead of us.